My last day one didn't work out so well and I had to start over again. Day 1 was yesterday and it was a success so here I am at day 2!! I have really fuzzy teeth and feel like I am in a fog today but I am sure it will pass. I am also low on energy even though I slept well last night and I know from prior fasts that I need to increase my juice and water to make myself feel better.
I read an excerpt last night of a book coming out soon on adults that had a childhood of domestic violence. I honestly thought that the book was talking about me and it also brought back a lot of memories. It's a miracle that I survived to be where I am today. My husband is very supportive but he does not understand the things that go through my mind and things I cannot control like binge eating. He thinks if you are full then why would you not just stop eating? I tried to tell him that it is not about being full because I will binge until I am so sick to my stomach I can't sleep. When I was younger I would purge by making myself puke so that I wouldn't gain weight from my binges but I promised my husband I would stop doing that. He gave me an ultimatum, either stop making myself puke or he would leave. I love my husband very much and don't want to lose him so I am keeping my promise. Unfortunately that ends up with me being fat, horribly embarrassingly fat! I don't even feel sexy at all anymore and have really let myself go and now it is time to change that!
My granddaughters live with me and they are ages 2 and 4. When I look at them and they talk to me I melt with love. After reading the beginning of that book last night I am more in love with them than ever if that is even possible. I never ever want them to live in a world like I lived in and I want them to grow up knowing they are loved and happy. No one ever told me they loved me growing up so I probably go overboard with the "I love you's" but I want them to grow up normal and not all crazy in the head like I am.
I would like to share a link for the book that caught me by surprise so maybe, just maybe it will help someone with the same problems. You may need to copy and paste this link because I am not sure if it is clickable, enjoy! http://h5.sml360.com/-/16hg
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