Today has been a very strange day for some reason. One of the reasons is that it is raining so I can't get out to ride my bike and I feel very trapped. I made my juice for today and tomorrow so I won't be caught without juice. I am not hungry today which is good, now all I need to do is start coffee enemas. They seem to make me feel great for awhile and then dehydrated so I really need to drink a lot of water. I have had this strange feeling all day that something is going to go wrong, something bad. I don't know what that is but I hate when I get this feeling and it sticks with me.
I really hate how I can't eat like a normal person. There is something wrong with me and I can't control what I am doing. Having a normal eating habit is impossible. I have tried it many times. I am a pig, that's all there is to it. I am like a crack head when it comes to food. I will do anything for my next hit, even taking food from my kids and that is just plain wrong. I can't describe it but something takes over and I have no shame for what I do. I would rather just go ahead and make myself puke so I can be thin but years of doing that has already taken a toll on my body.
I took a walk today and it wasn't even that far but I felt it was hard to drag my fat body around. I really need to start walking more and try to run. I have been depending on my bike for exercise and that is fun but I know I need more. I need to get as much exercise in before the weather turns cold and I am trapped in the house. I sure wish it would stay summer all year round!
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