If you don't believe in yourself than no one else will either. I have come to the conclusion that I don't think I believe in myself at all! I wake up in the morning believing in myself and at lunch time I still believe in myself but it goes downhill from there. That's when I chicken out and start doubting myself and hating myself and not believing that I can be a success when it comes to my eating disorder.
It starts mid-afternoon and no matter how hard I try to fight it the thought plants a seed in my brain. It goes something like this: What if I can't do this, what if I can't sleep, what if I am going to be fat forever, what if I am being a big baby about all of this and therefore I am really afraid? What if I try to be normal, will I have a breakdown and fail? What if I am just really afraid, what if I try again tomorrow, what if tomorrow is really the day that I am going to do this and fight this stupid food addiction. What if I just pig out tonight and start all over tomorrow? What if I just give up on today altogether because tomorrow will be better for me, I just know it. What if no one else feels like this.
After all that, it's tomorrow and I fall into the same cycle of thought. I need to stop being afraid to just eat normal and not starve/binge myself. That's what it really is, fear. I will have nothing to hold on to if I don't have this. I won't even know who I am if I don't have this. What if I am not any good at being a normal person, then what? Now my heart starts to pound and the panic begins and grows because once the panic sets in your mind takes over and you have no more control. Fear takes over and you end up not changing at all but being in the same cycle every single day of your life. What if..........................................
I totally hear you! Fear is a BIG thing for me too. I think you are doing great, to acknowlege the fear is a big step! I personally try not to think about tomorrow too much. It really stresses me out. I just try my best today, every day :)
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